| Having trouble sleeping again. |
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1 9 11
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I just flipped through a few of my entries and came across some of my really raw Korean entries back in 2008, I was this ||close to editing my errors when I stopped myself in my tracks and thought: let's just leave it as it is, a reminder , a humbler me ,so to speak, with numerous blunders and the most basic gramatical errors. I've thrown away most of my language school exercise books already but reading them makes me blush in embarrassment. Alas, I've since improved much, though the non Korean speaking circle around me hinders me much(though I shamelessly admit being the best in Korean among most of my peers). Old Korean friends who've seen me at my prime discreetly agrees that my Korean has gotten a little sloppier than my former fluency.
Updates, new principal for the academy and I wonder what kind of changes would be made? Would it be stricter or perhaps I would get my pay on time (Amen to that!). And after months of peace and quiet, the academy is being filled with loud mouthed cheeky, though not unclever kids again. I wonder what kind of chronic headaches would these little munchkins cause their parents. I also found a second part time gig near Banpo, though I'm not entirely certain of the amount of my monthly pay, I have a good feeling about this place, mainly because the lady in charge actually teaches English as well. The pay is much less but I could do with the extra cash. I miss the 3 months of translating last year, and I shouldn't have splurged the pay away. Now I'd just have to wait around for something else.
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31 5 11
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I get saddened whenever I see rude kids nowadays. It's not like parents want to raise them that way, and I feel disheartened because I don't know what kind of child I'd come to raise. I read the hymns of a tiger mother recently and strangely felt touched by the amount of effort the mother took to ensure her daughters are rightfully pushed, granted she might have been a little too harsh on the kids, but that much determination is just extraordinary, how many mothers have you seen moms follow what her children learn , mostly you just hear moms go : go study and do your homework, you don't see them being their for her children, slaving away in some class or math problem sets(at least not when the kids get older anyway ) they have other things to do. I hope I have the kind of energy and perseverance to push my kids in this way. Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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| Taking control |
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8 11 10
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1) of the food I eat
2) sign up for gym and actually going to exercise
3) sleep Before 1 and wake up before 8
4) no more than 1 hr of tv/ drama per day
5) showing up for all my classes , regardless of attendance calling. :( I need to get a grip on my life
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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22 4 09
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太阳天蝎，月亮双鱼，金星天蝎，上升用4点半来算，是天秤
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| On watching the butterfly effect |
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23 3 09
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First off, I can't believe Ashton Kutcher, aka host of punked actually starred in The butterfly effect. Ok, slow of me to watch it now, years after its release date. But still, I am amazed. That Ashton Kutcher actually had Sure, it isn't much of an art house movie, it can still be considered as a mainstream movie, given its happy ending. (Have yet to watch butterfly effect 2, i actually watched snips of it a few years ago, but w/o watching 1, 2 made little sense)
Would you go back to the past, given the chance, to change whatever mistake you made. I always wanted to do that. Being able to fix this and that, wouldn't it be nice. Sure, I always knew that one incident is never independent from the other, that little ripples turn into tides. But BE striked a core in me somewhere, that the present is what we should focus on. Although the movie had a happy ending, but the message to me personally was that no matter what you do, things is the way it is, Even learned it the hard way, having to lose keiley (I'm ignoring the ending, again ><)
I know this sounds really cliche, but the point of me writing this is to record what I feel at this moment, somehow I am very excited the movie.I guess I need time to figure this wave of emotion out. Why am I feeling this way? Evan losing bits of his memory growing up, and having to go back to his past memories to try twist the present, of course we do not have the ability to change our past, but in a way, we are revisiting our pasts, growing up, haven't you have times when you go: hey, I've thought about this before, but I never figured it out. I'm amazed.
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19 3 09
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Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you: You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
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7 3 09
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i guess im just lonely.ive never been happier in my life.just that someones missing.someone who belongs to me.and to whom i belong to. $hearts;
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| hello! |
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3 3 09
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It's been what, a good 6 months since I last blogged?
Mainly cos I've been blogging on cyworld, with photo uploading features, and with him using it(though I suspect he doesn't anymore, with the lack of updates and all)
:(
So school started this week, and I'll start working as of today, don't know if I'll get sacked or what ><
so yeah... on the bright side, I've lost an accumalated 6kg in 2 months! Thanks to powerdieting and going to the gym religiously for the past week or so.
Thinking of moving again, since my landlady is raising my rent by 20% humph
Suddenly feeling lathargic cos of the gloomy weather, why am I still tired after 12 hours of sleep?
urgh
went do to the mbti and I'm an ISFP!!( read more )
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| 关于徐某人2 |
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25 11 08
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终于明白了也不再逃避
我们只是互相认识而已
变相的表白么？ 我也不知道， 反正，心里轻松了点
怎么 ... 才能走到他身边呢
我已经不奢望‘那个’位置
只要简简单单的在你身边就好...
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| 关于徐某人 |
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19 8 08
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昨天清晨从咖啡店走回来， 和佐安娜聊完天回家的路上，撑着把伞，在细雨里胡思乱想。 突然有种冲动跟他说我喜欢他，不许要你做任何事情，只要我能对你好就好。需要人倾听的时候，我会在那里； 你不舒服，我替你做饭、打扫；你有洁癖，我可以改掉我懒惰的习惯；你喜欢另类摇滚，我放弃我喜欢的R&B...
你要做什么都可以，你可以有别的女人，可以跟别人做什么...因为你不喜欢我，我没有权利要求你做什么。
哪天，如果你有了喜欢的人，不要担心我，我会放你走。 好强的冲动想要说出来， 虽然， 他不知道我有他的电话，虽然这么鲁莽的行动不是我的风格。
单方面的认为我这样没什么不好的， 其实跟左左说了下，发现如果我这么做也是很负担的事情啊， 一个你不需要，不太关心的人，无偿对你好并不是什么好事，反而是种累赘。
是呵，我太自私了， 单方面觉得我这么做是包容，是伟大。却没有考虑到对方的感受，一方面觉得：有人付出应该就会高高兴兴地接受吧。
还是静观其变吧。
呼...
上传了好好多张照片到迷你小窝里面， 而他拿走了几张我拍的日出，刚巧他和另外两个男生也被拍了进去，我纠结了好久，他是直接点进我的小窝拿走的呢， 还是在佐安娜小窝里面拿走的呢（她也拿走了那几张），后来我发现，佐安娜页面里面的那张照片并没有被拿走过，而我的确有2个人...就是说，他直接进了我的小窝。
出去玩了好多次，认识算是4个月了吧，甚至一起（虽然是凑巧）去了三天两夜的旅行，我还无法确定他当我是朋友与否，确定的是，他知道我喜欢他... 他身边的人跟他说了。 小小的什么举动， 都能让我雀跃万分，兴奋个半天。
第一次感觉到单恋的苦涩，第一次产生了贪心的念头，虽然不可能在一起，但是想时时刻刻都能照顾到他，看护他，保护他。
只要这样就够了...吧？
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| Surnames, names, identity.. hmm |
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11 7 08
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I just changed my name in Facebook, actually for nothing more than a simple, shallow reason. My full name on my passport being Cui Bing Yu, romanisation deriving from chinese phonics, while holding a chinese passport, that is my official name. Choi, in my opinion, is more asthetically pleasing than Cui.
Still, I wonder if I did the right thing today, I changed my surname to Choi, which is the Korean romanisation of my surname. And what happens to the rest of my name, does it stay being Bing Yu, the chinese version, or Bing Ok, the Korean version. In the end of the day, which one comes first, your country or your blood? And does it matter even if it's not recognized by the world,I can be enachoi all I want, but on my cyworld, my name is still Cui Bing Yu on the main page; Or is it true , that as long as I like it and my friends and allies know who I am, it is rationalized? Or am I starting to sound like Taiwan?
hmmm...I guess I don't mind leaving questions unsolved.
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| updating with my hp |
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30 6 08
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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yay.i hav a new hp if u hav been reading my fb.hee i♡♡♡♡it.and its a 3G hp so i can truly surf in style.still getting used to this.more later. adieu
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29 4 08
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기분이 나빠..
아주..
시간이 지날수록 한국이 밉게된다. 싸까지없는 꼬마 게새끼들도...
다른것도 왜 이렇게 잘 못돼니? 항상...
우리집이...
일도 .. 가정도...
나 그렇게 하고싶지 않을텐데...
이제 커지야겠다
울었다.. 한번 두번도 아니고
운다... 금방 태어난 아기 처럼 울고싶다
힘들어. 왜 그렇게 힘들어?
역시 술먹는나이가 된다.
술... 쓰다... 달콤하다...짜다...
한잔...
hite
그래... 5녀이나 남았어..
어디 집인냐
후...
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| Moved!!! Finally finished packing, took me 2 weeks too=-=" |
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20 4 08
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mood |
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accomplished |
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Love my new room, and flat, starting a new life. Oh, and I finally have tv in my place, internet is another problem, I'd just have to apply for a new line or something. Bleagh...
Oh, I'm watching BJ diaries 2 again. Looking at my place, I do kind of feel like BJ in an early stage. Cos it's just rebecca and me right now (3rd room being tiny and expensive, we both feel, is most unlikely to be let out in the near future, hee)
Busy week this coming week, I've got newspaper presentation, culture-presentation shit, both undone, college application for Hanyang this week. I really want to go to Kyunghee, giving current circumstances, KHU being my favourite out of the few choices I'm able to choose from. Urgh.
I desperately need to start staying home , going out less, gosh, the best way is to get a weekend part time in a bar-ish place. 1. Get to meet new people 2. earn an extra few bucks while saving money.
'cept I absolutely loathe the job hunting process, out of the 2 jobs that I've done and am doing, both were recommended by friends. Hmm... Might give a few thoughts about it.
Been feeling rather adultish recently, not talking about being mature and all that, just living alone, studying , working and all... wish real school can start soon, but then I'd have to give those private tuition lessons I hate so much. oh wells, life goes on. Till next time, adieu.
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| part 2 losing |
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27 3 08
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mood |
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So here's an update. I told S how I felt, and he sees me as nothing more than a lil sister. But, I don't think I was any upset about the rejection...
See, I always thought S liked M, but M denied feeling anything more than friendship. But S has been acting like he likes M, calling her at times, texting her once a week or so, bleagh. So NOW M tells me she's feeling confused, cos when he contacts her, she feels kinda attracted to him for a while, but if he doesn't contact her, the feelings fade away. I don't wanna say I told you so, but if you felt that way in the first place, tell me so and not lie in my face saying you felt nothing. That hurts me more.
I, well, not that I like him anymore, just the feeling of losing, and the fact that S rejected me, and M, making it seem like it's all up to her if their relationship, if any, is to flourish. Making me the bottom of the food chain.
And the texts, my korean being better than M's, she's constantly asking me words to say in replying him... I would actually prefer her to just keep in contact with S as a friend, but now his (seemingly) showing interest in her, I would've prefered... I don't know, her ignoring him altogether. Urgh, I suck.
S is right, when I told him I feel closer to friends of the same gender, that we need friends of the opposite sex. 'Cos, despite your friendship, there's the spirit of competition, looking past academic achievements, popularity. Still, there are so many things, so fundemental, that it hurts your pride just thinking about it. Much less talk about it.
I guess it's a good thing we're gonna live apart now... time apart to cool down on my part, I wouldn't know if this is gonna ruin our friendship.
I just, feel jealous alot of the times, why is that I can't ask for help when I need them, or do things for people and allow them to take it for granted, I, for once, feel very much not loved. Or is it me that has to learn to give and accept love in general.
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| =X |
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4 3 08
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 lonely |
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It's been such a long time since my last post here. And well, things have happened and passed, I can't wait for application season to start, language school is starting to get stagnant , my life needs some more excitement. I need to meet new people... and a new class every 3 months isn't exactly what I'm looking for.
Ok, I was recently introduced to a guy friend, let's call him.. S, through a Japanese friend Y, who I'm quite chummy with recently. I felt nothing for S at first, except he's a really nice person and all. After going out a few times in a big group, and upon my other friends meeting him, strangely all of them liked him at first sight, saying he seems really stable , mature and interesting *insert praises*.. To the extent of me developing certain chemical reactions towards him. I mean, he's not my type, when I say that, I meant eye candy style. He's not good looking, a little chunky and definitely not tall. To sap it up, he's adorable at best. I don't know what's wrong with me, or maybe just that I'm waking up to reality.
And during CNY, Y and other friends came to my place, and we drank quite the bit of booze, so I started calling their friends.. and even sent a few pun filled messages to S, whom I had no interest for at that time. Text messages which might have included things like"Don't meet other girls, you have me, oppa". I actually did it cos my friends sorta talked me into it, and hey, I was kinda buzzed. Still, I shouldn't have done it. The next time we met, he actually was pretty friendly to me, while I went flat with a simple: Oh, hi.Now that I'm starting to like him, what I did in the past, all these mixed messages, make me fear how he will see me.
And the problem gets bigger, with another guy friend, J telling me he thinks S likes M, my roommate. S a little formal with me, be it texting or on nateon, the Korean equivalent to Msn...
And it upsets me, cos with M, it's like, everytime I like someone, he's closer to M, most times M doesn't know that I have some kind of feelings for the said guys. It hits me in my weakest spot, or rather, the area I feel least confident about. See...M is really thin, while I'm, well, not. We were all drunk that night, I slept first, the next day, after he left, he sent a text asking M whether she's serious when she said she liked him the previous night, M has no account of the incident, so alls cool... 'cept I got a little upset, that's when I asked J and he told me he thinks S is interested in M. So I deleted S's number... but I added it back just now, changing the name to 바보which means dummy in Korean.. Urgh. I hope this is just another one of my stupid crushes.
Well, at least I started going to the church last week, that's probably the only good thing happening right now. My portable harddisk may be broken now, and I didn't back it up, so all my music, pictures and stuff May be gone forever.
sigh.
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21 2 08
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I have a new lappie now!
It's PINK and has it's own webcam <3!!
Thank you Uncle~~
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| Congratulation.. or not |
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21 1 08
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For getting over the said crush in previous entries, actually I got over it a while ago, merely forgot to mention it; and not, for the realisation that it possible that I am unable to love romantically.
bleagh.
Anyways, Lesner is coming to Seoul in less than 2 weeks. Am glad =)
Living, breathing , gaining weight.
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